Intuitive Flexibility- Guidance

Lesson 1: Intuitive Flexibility and Being-Within-ProcessA Series on Philosophical Wellness Tools—Powerful Application of Profound Theory

Disclaimer: Nothing in these articles is advice—only options to explore if you choose. I don’t present truth or facts; only pragmatic possibilities. If something works for you, then it’s true for you—or simply effective. And honestly, what more really matters?

Intuitive cognitive flexibility practice is meant to help us rejuvenate our intuition, process trauma, increase self-awareness, and return to a state of being-within-process. I don’t want to get too detailed here, for anyone who wants the in-depth philosophical explanation of being-within-process I have a Substack article planned for the future. For those who are more action-oriented a brief description should suffice and then using the technique in this article will help you acquire a lived experience of what I’m talking about. 

We are always already in a state of flux and change. There isn’t a single aspect of our being and our environment that isn’t constantly changing. Yet we often fear and attempt to avoid change. Being-within-process reminds us that life—forever joined at the hip with death—is like an ocean, and you, a whirlpool within it. You could say you are a work in progress, but I prefer a work in process. 

When we hear someone say, “I’m a work in progress,” what do they generally mean? Usually, there’s some acceptance—they’ve come to terms with not having yet reached their ideal. At the same time, they recognize their potential: they’re progressing. That framing may feel helpful, it might be just right for where you are, or it may unwittingly hold you back.

The phrase “work in progress” can feel like we’re products moving down the assembly line—unfinished, because we’re unready for consumption. It seems to imply we have pieces missing. But I would propose that we are always already whole, even as we remain in constant change. This is why a work in process says that we accept what already is—change itself. We are striving hence the reference to work, yet, we make no indication that we are currently inferior. Process evokes an in-the-thick-of-it feeling—digestion, grief, healing, or artistic creation. Progress feels more measured and linear: movement from point A to B—climbing a ladder or steps, turning one more corner. Recovery isn’t linear, right? We don’t rarely think of a healing progression. So-called backsliding can itself be part of the healing—necessary for learning. In Buddhism the path isn’t about progress towards enlightenment; it's about not clinging. In Alcoholics Anonymous, the emphasis is on surrender coupled with working the steps. Both phrases speak to a degree of acceptance. But the acceptance of “work in progress” is from a place of perceived lack. “Work in process” allows motion—without saying “I’m not enough.” Why is this a popular phrase who’s promoting the idea that we aren’t sufficient?

When we view ourselves as lacking, as insufficient, this can lower self-worth. This results in a state of mind less capable of self-improvement. The seeming paradox is that people are more likely to change when they accept themselves just the way they are. The mechanism underlying how it is that acceptance equals inner development is a cornerstone of this article. Acceptance triggers the unfolding of inner change because it eliminates our resistance to the moment. Most of the time, the negative feelings are calling our attention to what is happening. It is only natural that we survive by avoiding too much pain and suffering. Even when we have to avoid suffering, for example, not placing our hands on a hot stove, the purpose of the pain is to call your attention. So if we feel painful emotions it is because something needs our awareness. If you resist attending to the suffering, you may never direct your energy where it needs to go. But acceptance melts the resistance that wants to hide from the pain. Process, on the other hand, speaks of acceptance. “A work in progress” aims at some better state; process does not have to be about improvement. It can, but doesn’t have to be, and this is a crucial distinction. Progress has to be about improvement, and what if we truly never improve? What if we die tomorrow? Then do we want to live today in a devalued state, imagining what we already have is inferior? Death isn’t something that will come one day out of the blue. From the moment of birth, everything we do in life moves along a trajectory toward death. Can we afford to waste a precious moment? In the face of inevitable death every moment is supremely perfect as is. A work in process reframes the narrative. It says “I’m okay with change in whatever form it takes. Yes I’ll work toward improvement, and simultaneously I’m perfectly happy with what I have.” I don’t seek improvement because of a lack of appreciation; I seek improvement because that is the sort of journey that calls to me.

One of the more prevalent ways people avoid an awareness of change is through living in their heads. The process below is intended to help us learn to use our minds in a way that reconnects to embodied wisdom. Everything felt takes place in our body—emotion, sensation, or just feeling. Everything we experience, even our thoughts, is felt. What it means to live in your head is to experience varying degrees of numbness to the feelings taking place—always in the body. We feel everything all the time, and yet we still have to develop mindfulness… Doesn’t feeling imply we are already aware? Then why do we need to develop mindfulness? How do we not notice what is taking place inside ourselves, yet always feel everything? I think civilization has trained us from a young age to be afraid of fully living. That is why we make a comfort zone of everything from the neck up. Often the mere tendency to live in our heads sustains our suffering. The inability to get out of our heads can make it very difficult to truly know what our feelings are trying to tell us. 

Now the application phase:

If you’re feeling stressed, take a moment to slow down, go somewhere quiet, and bring your awareness into your midsection; your throat, chest, and abdomen area. Notice what you feel there. Take some time to sit with those feelings as friends would, or as you would for your peers.

1. Describe the emotion and/or other feelings in as much detail as feels right. 

• Adjust how you describe it until the description feels most right. It doesn’t matter if the description is technically correct, or if it’s the definition you’d find in the dictionary. It doesn’t matter if anyone else would word it that way or even understand you. In fact, often the description you find that arises or snaps into place, will in some way be unconventional or new. What matters is that it feels right to you. 

• When the description feels right, this will often result in a felt-shift—transforming into a new feeling like a flower opening under the light of the sun. At which point you could choose to describe the new feeling, ormove on to step 2. Staying with step 1 and describing every new shift in the feeling you are processing is, on its own, a profoundly healing process that can lead to deep insights into your own psyche. But sometimes we can lose the thread of what we are describing. Regaining or staying with the thread is an important skill to develop. Still, there are ways to regain that thread or to work with nearby feelings that can create changes in the original feeling—like ripples in a pond. The trick is finding the right tool for the moment. 

2. Ask yourself what thoughts are connected to this feeling. 

• If you have trouble describing your thoughts, write out 3 or 4 possible descriptions again, trying to find the one that feels most right. Don’t go further than about 3 or 4 though. 

• Let’s say what you wrote is:

• Angry because they were mean to me.

• Anger hurts…they hurt me.

• Irritation and anger, because I’m not good enough. 

3. Next, you’ll consider whether these thoughts are entirely true. 

• Some tendencies to look out for are common cognitive distortions. You can look those up on Google. 

• Another tendency is to think of something outside of you as the cause of your inner turmoil. But consider if anyone can just push a button to make you feel a certain way, or are we all responsible for our feelings? Of course, we can tell people our triggers and ask them to try to avoid those but all we can control is what we do, and how we respond. It is up to us to assert our boundaries. If they don’t respect our boundaries, it still ultimately falls on us to process our feelings and manage our wellness. 

• There is also a bias toward thinking that what was once the case will always be so. You had a bad childhood and now you think the future will always be bad. 

• Lastly, my experience is that automatic negative thoughts tend to always be untrue in some way. This doesn’t mean they are invalid though, they still mean something important to us, but that doesn’t mean they accurately reflect the truth.

• For some, it may help to validate these thoughts first with something like: Understandably, we feel hurt by what she did since our mother similarly hurt us.

• After you’ve examined and validated these thoughts, try to write some new more accurate thoughts like:

• We feel hurt and vulnerable but we aren’t actually weak, we’ve survived so very much.

• Write 4 to 7 new more accurate, probably more positive thoughts. Possibly go to 10 even, if you need to, to hit the right spot that shifts the felt-experience. Repeat each new thought to yourself multiple times slowly, while you ask yourself how each feels or could feel it in your body. 

4. Lastly, take how the truer positive affirmations make you feel or what you imagine they could feel like. Then visualize that feeling expanding to fill your whole body. Try to notice that feeling in even greater detail. Write words for different aspects of it, and visualize that aspect of the feeling expanding to fill you. Sit with this step a bit to thoroughly settle into this new feeling. 

5. Think of 5 different positive feelings you could feel that would also strengthen you in the face of the original negative state of mind. Repeat step 4 with each new feeling. 

6. As you expand the feelings throughout your body and sense of identity, you'll notice different facets of the feelings. 

• Write one or two words or a short sentence that quickly captures at least some facet of the feeling. Then expand that facet-feeling throughout your whole body. 

• Example: The feeling you are expanding is what high self-worth feels like to you.

• Some facets of this feeling are fresh, maybe new, maybe free, and you write the word for it. Now you expand just that felt-facet of high self-worth that you called fresh.

• After immersing yourself in ‘fresh,’ you notice it has a facet that feels bright, open, clear, or alert.

• You pick the one of those you most feel called to immerseyourself in. 

• Rinse and repeat. 

There is another way to go about this. It is a more advanced level; it can be risky if we aren't yet sufficiently stable in our recovery. 

• Do steps 1 and 2, 

• and skip step 3, 

• adjust step 4 so that you're not using the truer positive thoughts 

• you take the negative thoughts and feelings and visualize those expanding to fill your whole body

• Then do 5 and 6 with those negative feelings

• Pay close attention to positive edges and nuances contained within those negative feelings

• Expand the positive nuances of the negative feelings to fill your whole body and identity

• Expand the nuances within the previous nuances.

This version can teach us that even our negative feelings have a positive purpose and wisdom. Also, we learn to face and embrace our negative feelings as an important aspect of our emotional intelligence—felt-intellect. 

You can do this process with the taste of food. Hone in on that taste. Expand how it feels to the rest of your body. The same with the sound of music, colors, touch sensations, and any word—all can be felt. 

Your ability to shift your state of mind will improve the more you practice. As you embody the feelings, you may get the urge to stretch or dance in spontaneous ways. You may even sense some refined quality that precedes your normal feelings—a higher felt-wisdom. 

The methodology described here is part of a larger intuitive thinking procedure and toolset for navigating our world. To intuitively think or reason in this way, it helps to be fully invested in an innovative process by asserting ownership of our toolset through modifying it in ways that resonate—think like an affect scientist. 

To get you started, note that this technique can work as 3 separate standalone methods. Step 1 is one method, steps 2 and 3 another, steps 4, 5, and 6 combine to form the last. You can also experiment with the order you do these steps. I’m a firm believer that we should play with our tools and food so that we don't become instrumentalized by over-seriousness. Often, I think, over-seriousness or needless seriousness comes from a desire to be useful or productive. But it only results in us becoming more like dead things than vibrant people. The inability to engage in creative play makes us rigid—taking us out of flow, out of process.

Consider using the wellness tools you develop for 6 to 10 weeks. This is long enough on average to develop a habit with a little bit more time to experience the tool’s effect after the routine is more solid. During that time, journal your experience. List your aim for using the tool; perhaps that is to feel like your best, or even to redefine your standard of ‘best’—this is all about discovery, rediscovery, uncovering what’s hidden, and creating your own reality. Then, write about how you thought, felt, and behaved during that time. Write this every day, or at least once a week, so long as it’s sufficiently fresh in your mind. After the 6 to 10 weeks, give yourself 2 weeks off from any wellness tools except those you have to utilize to stay stable. During the break, reflect on the lessons you've learned, then start up again with another 6 to 10 weeks with some new tool or your own adapted version of the previous one. You are a sort of artistic scientist—your life, an alchemy lab. 

A final reminder: the aim isn’t to cause the original negative state to never come back. Negative emotions will arise; they are natural and valuable. The goal is to give us some balance and fluidity to more quickly shift between states as needed, to value feelings as intelligence. Emotions and feelings are powerful aspects of our overall intelligence. The negative emotions aren’t the problem, it is being stuck in just a couple of emotions all the time. Being stuck in some emotions also gets our thinking stuck in a small number of loops, limiting our capacity for effective decision making and problem solving. Achieving a more fluid felt-state can help you adapt to the world around you—a state of continual becoming—life as dance—being-within-process.